What Can I Do For You My Lord?

Lord God, please give me
strength.

I'm scared of what you have for
me.

This world is tough and
critical.

What is to become of
me?

Lord God, please forgive me when I
sin.

The thoughts that enter my
mind

and the sorrow I find
there

make me feel like my salvation is
lost.

Lord God, please make me
holy.

I seek you and I desire
you,

yet I feel like I'm so far from
you.

All I ask is holiness. Teach me
Lord.

Every day we ask God questions like these, "bless me, forgive me, save me." It seems ironic that we could address God as Lord and then proceed to list off all we want to get from Him.
We have my minds set on becoming sinless. We pray every day and we even read the B ible on our knees (that's holier, you know). We don't watch movies with questionable content (unless they're based on classic literature), and we don't even own a tv anymore because everything on it is smut.
We know when God's calling us to the mission field and we want to please Him, but we're scared. We're scared of the evil we will encounter and the conditions we'll have to live in. Most of all, we're wicked scared of taking sin with us to the mission field.
We read the biography of DL Moody and find out how he completely gave up tv and everything bad in his life.
We see the great things he's done in life. Then we feel like if we could only get rid of everything sinful in our lives, then we could do great things for God.
In my pursuit of holiness, I've ended up becoming selfish. My thought becomes that everything I do and all that happens to me must be God's way of making me more holy. So I ask again and again, "God, please bless me, forgive me, save me."
But the question is not, "what can You do for me?" But, "what can I do for you, my Lord?"

I'm #9

I may have just reached the biggest achievement in my life so far. Check it out: http://www.csittl.com/
My next goal in life is to make it on at number 8. I'm very ambitious.

Underneath It All

Sometimes I seem unapproachable. Underneath it all, I'm really just a little shy. Sometimes I lash out at those I love. Underneath it all, I'm probably just stressed by school and work. Sometimes I just must have my way. Underneath it all, I don't want to admit that I don't like your way. Sometimes I seem antagonistic toward you. Underneath it all, I'm probably just intimidated by you. Sometimes it seems like I'm procrastinating. Underneath it all, I just don't know where to start.
There's a reason behind everything I do, feel, and think. It's this life of cause-and-effect I can't get away from. If I separate the cause from the effect, or vice versa, I'm left with disjoined thoughts, feelings, and actions, which sounds a lot like PMS.
I marvel at the interconnected integrity of life, how my life as a human is one and it's complete.
I marvel even more at how all of humanity is entirely unrelated, yet intricately intertwined. How is it that, in the beginning of time, one man and one woman took me down with them when they sinned? Am I to blame for my blunders, or are they?
How is it that, more recently, one man changed my fate with one act of loving obedience? I may never fully understand, but I will forever be thankful for this chance at a new life. It's not a life of perfection, but it's not a life of unredeemed disgrace. I live somewhere in between the two, in a land of trials and triumphs. A land where, simply put, I mess things up and Christ cleans it up again.

So Much More

I'm an MK (missionary kid). I'm a college student. I'm 22 years old. I love writing.
For every true statement about me, there's a plentitude of even truer statements. I'm so intricately complex that I confuse even myself.
The fact that I'm an MK also means I'm a multicultural individual. It means I adapt fairly easily to new situations. I'm bilingual, culture sensitive, and can't use English properly. That I'm a student means I'm being prepared for...something. I have great ambitions and original ideas. It also means I'm poor, hold a part-time job, and can't wait to graduate. That I'm 22 means I'm finally an adult. It means I have more decisions to make than before, and it means I'm more independent. The fact that I love writing means I'm constantly looking for a new subject and I'm always trying to imporove my writing skills. The one thing it doesn't mean is that I'm good at it.
My personality is like an ocean, containing shallow and deep waters. There's always more to unearth and by which to be elated or sometimes sorrowful.

4th of July

We Americans have a way of taking an historical date and really giving it honorable significance.
We first convince ourselves of our perpetual freedom by shutting down the country and refusing to work. "See, I'm an American and I don't have to work if I don't want to."
We celebrate the original tradition of feasts and banquets in the more modern and evolved form of an outdoor barbecue or a picnic. That'll show how sophisticated we've gotten since the procuration of our independence in 1776. Never mind that barbecues are actually Indian in origin.
There's actually no fault to be found in the fireworks tradition. It's perfectly normal for people to enjoy loud explosives and fire. After all, that's how we defeated the British. It's an entirely American tradition that originated in ancient China. Nothing makes a man feel more free than to drive to the city fireworks and to be told exactly where to park.
Our forefathers would beam proudly if the ground could revert them for a day.
Happy Independence Day.